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No1Left2ResQMe's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
No1Left2ResQMe

[ website | your source for synthpop ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[04 May 2006|01:01am]
[ mood | confused ]

slowly spiraling out of control.

i don't know who i am anymore... save the fact of the repetitious machine like movements of work. the last few days that is the only place i feel is home.

blood on my hands

i will die alone and worthless.


that's about all i feel now.....

alone....

worthless....


i'm screaming at the event horizon... but no one can hear my screams now...


it's too late for me.

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[25 Dec 2005|07:50pm]
happy fuckin' christmas everyone.
2 comments|post comment

[04 Dec 2005|06:24pm]
You scored as James Bond, Agent 007. James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

</td>

James Bond, Agent 007

67%

Lara Croft

63%

Maximus

58%

William Wallace

58%

Batman, the Dark Knight

54%

Captain Jack Sparrow

46%

El Zorro

46%

Neo, the "One"

46%

Indiana Jones

38%

The Terminator

38%

The Amazing Spider-Man

21%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com
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[11 Nov 2005|02:46am]
100 question quiz to piss you off by filling your friends page

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
scar on my left upper arm, i put it there with a red hot safety pin

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
ansel adam pics, a 1982 new orleans mardi gras picture, one of brodey's drawings, and green paint

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
silver and white

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
jsut about anything except country and rap

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
645am

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
to be done with school

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
being a kid with no worries or responsibilities

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
my cats

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
home-made chocolate chip cookies

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
depends on the situation, but yes it has happened

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
not really

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
james

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Jessica McClintock

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
brown and curly

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
i have no idea.... isn't that the fun of it? it's a surprise.... besides james doesn't love me enough

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
meh.... juice

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
artichokes

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Buca's

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
i don't know.... i don't think i really make anyone mad....

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
espanol

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
like i can remember that?

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
you can't really control something like that....

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
don't tell....show... saying i love you isn't always enough.... sometimes you just need to show them how much you love and appreciate them

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
66

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
brunettes

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
james

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
people with no common sense

37. FIRST JOB?
cashier at menard's

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
watching the simpsons

40.IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
none... besides i know all the shit that could go wrong....

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
being such a smart cookie

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
doesn't really bug me much

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a honda metro, cos that would be tits and i could save a shitton of money on gas

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
umm.... kids aren't in my future anymore.... damn chemo and a certain male for fucking up my female organs

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
i don't keep track of that...

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yes

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkey

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
none.... i bought them all for a reason.... it's fun to see what i have

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
yeah.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
no

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
a bit

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
not right away

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
oh i don't know

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
60

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
who doesn't?.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
yeah

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
attractive, smart, and humorous

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
nik, nikki, nicademous, nickalodeon, nikki bean

68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
no

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
i like lots of ice cream flavors

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
brown, purple, red, silver

73. do you like Heather Bierlair?
who the fuck is that?

74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
my grandparents....?

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
i don't give a shit

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
simpsons

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Dad

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes

82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Ultimate Raspberry Lemon Drop

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT
to play? volleyball. to watch? hockey.... although i get to see the Milwaukee Wave play for free seeing as James' brother-in-law is a player

85. what is your hair color?
iced mocha

86. EYE COLOR?
green, blue, brown, grey, amber

87. SIBLINGS?
1 half brother who's a mooching asshole

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
the simpsons.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
halloween.... used to be my birthday however no one seems to rememeber that anymore so.... fuck it.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
no not really

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
in between... although you can always dress for winter

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
they both have their place

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
relationship

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Sellevision and memoirs of a geisha

100. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Surgery at West Allis Memorial Hospital
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[06 Nov 2005|01:40am]
[ mood | tired ]

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

3 comments|post comment

[29 Oct 2005|11:03pm]
Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.
You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.
You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.
You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.
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[11 Oct 2005|12:58am]
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Nicole Mages
Birthday:7-4-1980
Birthplace:West Allis
Current Location:Wauwatosa
Eye Color:Hazel I guess
Hair Color:Brown
Height:5'9
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right handed
Your Heritage:German (gypsies from the Black Forest), French, Polish
The Shoes You Wore Today:Birkenstock clogs
Your Weakness:Chocolate
Your Fears:Failing PA school
Your Perfect Pizza:spinach cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, and artichokes
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:not get stressed out over holiday bullshit
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:okie
Thoughts First Waking Up:what day is it?
Your Best Physical Feature:eyes
Your Bedtime:when i'm tired.... somewhere between 2am and 4am
Your Most Missed Memory:spending all day shopping and going to lunch with my grandma
Pepsi or Coke:water
MacDonalds or Burger King:jimmy john's
Single or Group Dates:how bout living with boyfriend of three years
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:green tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:both
Cappuccino or Coffee:both
Do you Smoke:quit a year ago
Do you Swear:like a sailor
Do you Sing:indeed
Do you Shower Daily:yes
Have you Been in Love:i am in love
Do you want to go to College:i will be in college come january
Do you want to get Married:maybe
Do you belive in yourself:at times
Do you get Motion Sickness:no
Do you think you are Attractive:at times
Are you a Health Freak:no
Do you get along with your Parents:yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:yes
Do you play an Instrument:no, i sing... so does playing my vocal cords count as an instrument?
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yes
In the past month have you Smoked:smoked what?
In the past month have you been on Drugs:on prescriptions for life
In the past month have you gone on a Date:no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:no
In the past month have you been on Stage:yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:no
Ever been Drunk:yes
Ever been called a Tease:yes
Ever been Beaten up:no
Ever Shoplifted:no
How do you want to Die:hypothermia
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:haven't figured that out yet
What country would you most like to Visit:Egypt
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:his eyes are green
Favourite Hair Color:his hair is brown
Short or Long Hair:his hair is long
Height:he's 6'
Weight:he's i dunno....
Best Clothing Style:Express
Number of Drugs I have taken:one
Number of CDs I own:around 375
Number of Piercings:20
Number of Tattoos:6
Number of things in my Past I Regret:i regret nothing, you can't change the past.

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
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[05 Oct 2005|10:19pm]
I am 19% Idiot.
Friggin Genius
I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.
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[04 Jul 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | sad ]

you know it's a shitty ass day when your own boyfriend who lives with you can't even wish you a happy birthday....

i thought all the fireworks would have been a hint... apparently not.

2 comments|post comment

[02 Jul 2005|12:28pm]


You Are a Seeker Soul





You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.
You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.
Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.
Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).

Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.
And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.
You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.
Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.

Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul


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[08 Apr 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | full ]

white castle is fucking amazing. i will never be thin. hahaha

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[06 Apr 2005|11:13pm]
[ mood | bored ]

FIRSTS
First best friend: kathy losiniecki
First screen name: falcon830
First self purchased CD: cake - fashion nugget
First pets: patches and eclipse - cats, bridgette - dog
First piercing/tattoo: piercing - ears at 18 months, tattoo - 18 red ankh on left shoulder blade
LASTS
Last cigarette: can't remember and that's a good thing....
Last car ride: about an hour ago.... came home from work
Last cry: a week ago
Last library book checked out: long time ago.... i was still at wisconsin lutheran... lol
Last crush: fucked if i know....
Last phone call: james
Last time showered: ten hours ago
Last shoes worn: my birks
Last song played: cold as ice - foreigner
Last annoyance: james telling me he won't be home til 1am
Last shirt worn: my bright yellow one with the robot on it....
Last website visited: barnes and noble
Last word/s you said: whatever, bye
Last song you sang: cold as ice
What color of underwear are you wearing? nude
What's under your bed? a cat
What time did you wake up today? 1130am
FUTURE
Where do you want to go? depends on when we're talking.....
What is your career going to be? going back to school in january.... after six more years of school i will have my master's in nurse practitioner.... and no i'm not handing out prescriptions to everyone.....
Where are you going to live? hopefully seattle when i'm done with school
How many kids do you want? the way things are going zero... but we'll see
What kind of car(s): still want my bmw... and audi would be nice as well
CURRENT
Current mood: bored
Current music: bob sieger
Current taste: chicken
Current hair: the stuff that's on my head
Current clothes: jeans, tshirt, hoodie
Current annoyance(s): hungry
Current book: virgin suicides

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[26 Feb 2005|05:16pm]
Hello All i really want this free flat screen tv so please go to the link below. i'll love you forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out this great site that is giving away totally FREE Flat Screens!

I've joined and I think you should as well.

It's a completely legitimate offer, and this company has already given away $4 million in FREE stuff!

All you have to do is join, complete an online offer, and refer friends to do the same. That's it!

Here is my referral link. To help me get my Flat Screen, click this exact link to join, or copy and paste it into a browser:
http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/?r=15611426
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[07 Feb 2005|02:34am]
You scored as Mindfuck. Congratulations, you scored Mindfuck. You've probably seen a lot of movies, and have grown to hate mainstream shit. You're looking for the movie that will leave you breathless, and with 21 questions to think about. Check out: Donnie Darko, Being John Malkovich, Pulp Fiction, Memento.

</td>

Mindfuck

100%

Artistic

95%

Drama/Suspense

70%

Sadistic Humour

70%

Sci-Fi/Fantasy

60%

Mindless Action Flick

30%

Romantic Comedy

20%

Movie Recommendation.
created with QuizFarm.com



too bad i've already seen all the suggested movies....
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[08 Jan 2005|12:45pm]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSS!!!! STAY SAFE!

All Our Love,
Nikki & James
1 comment|post comment

[06 May 2004|02:09pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

less then two months and he'll be walking out that door.

he won't turn around.

he won't be coming back.





he'll be gone forever.

1 comment|post comment

[16 Apr 2004|10:37pm]
[ mood | at a loss ]

finally got in touch with the reproductive endocrinology office over at froedtert. i go to see dr. halverson on thurs. morning.

i have two options... one: they do a laparoscopy and take some of my ovarian tissue, make sure it's cancer free, then freeze it. then they'll implant it on my upper arm or abdomen to let it grow. then they implant it back into my ovaries when i want to have children and hopefully the eggs will be viable.

option numero dos: invetro fertilization... i go on hormone shots for a few weeks, then i have a bunch of eggs harvested, then they fertilize them, and then put them in cryo.


option one is a study, so the only part i have to pay for is the laparotomy which will be 10,000 dollars. i can get some grant money only totally 2500, but at least it's something. the storing of the tissue is free because it's a sutdy, yippy....

option two i'd have to pay for my hormone shots, the harvesting, and then pay 200 dollars a year for each year that my embryos are frozen... which will be about 10,000 dollars as well.

i have no idea which option i'm going to go with... guess i'll just have to wait and see what this dr. has to say. plus the fact that i'm not even sure if my eggs are even viable as it is seeing as i've had almost 20 grams of cytoxin as it is.

so many important decisions that i need to be making and i don't feel strong enough to make them.... i'm twenty three and unmarried and i have to try and decide whether or not i want to have embryos stored.... which is not just my decision... i need a sperm donor.

i just want to crawl into a hole and die. that would make everything go away and then i wouldn't have to worry about whether or not i want kids.... or can even have them for that matter.

i have no idea where the money is going to come from, but i suppose if this can all be done i'll find a way....




my head is going to explode.

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[12 Apr 2004|01:49am]
[ mood | rejected ]

betrayed for the last time.

i won't stand here and be lied to time and time again....

i'm sick and tired of not being good enough.... not being beautiful enough.


he doesn't love me... he doesn't want me anymore. why won't he just tell me the truth.

is it too much to ask for someone to just love me? appreciate who i am????

i don't think i can take this anymore.... my heart has shattered again and i don't think there's a way to fix it.




it's finished.

no more.



when they find me, i'll have a little smile on my face
and they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground
and say they don't understand
but i do
i don't hurt anymore
i'm not lonely anymore
i'm not sad
i'm not pretty anymore
i made it through

every day i get a little closer to vanishing.

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[31 Mar 2004|01:51pm]
if he only knew how many times i've cried myself to sleep while laying next to him in the dark....


i need to get away.
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[25 Mar 2004|10:45am]
[ mood | happy ]

insurance finally went through. i'm approved to go to Froedtert through sept. 24 for a total of 150 visits. i see dr. bredeson on friday april 2. hopefully we can start setting dates and i can get on with this.

happy but exhausted

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