slowly spiraling out of control.
i don't know who i am anymore... save the fact of the repetitious machine like movements of work. the last few days that is the only place i feel is home.
blood on my hands
i will die alone and worthless.
that's about all i feel now.....
i'm screaming at the event horizon... but no one can hear my screams now...
it's too late for me.
happy fuckin' christmas everyone.
100 question quiz to piss you off by filling your friends page
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
scar on my left upper arm, i put it there with a red hot safety pin
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
ansel adam pics, a 1982 new orleans mardi gras picture, one of brodey's drawings, and green paint
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
silver and white
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
jsut about anything except country and rap
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
to be done with school
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
being a kid with no worries or responsibilities
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
home-made chocolate chip cookies
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
depends on the situation, but yes it has happened
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
brown and curly
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
i have no idea.... isn't that the fun of it? it's a surprise.... besides james doesn't love me enough
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
i don't know.... i don't think i really make anyone mad....
20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
like i can remember that?
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
you can't really control something like that....
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
don't tell....show... saying i love you isn't always enough.... sometimes you just need to show them how much you love and appreciate them
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
people with no common sense
37. FIRST JOB?
cashier at menard's
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
watching the simpsons
40.IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
none... besides i know all the shit that could go wrong....
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
being such a smart cookie
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
doesn't really bug me much
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a honda metro, cos that would be tits and i could save a shitton of money on gas
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
umm.... kids aren't in my future anymore.... damn chemo and a certain male for fucking up my female organs
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
i don't keep track of that...
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
none.... i bought them all for a reason.... it's fun to see what i have
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
not right away
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
oh i don't know
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
attractive, smart, and humorous
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
nik, nikki, nicademous, nickalodeon, nikki bean
68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
i like lots of ice cream flavors
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
brown, purple, red, silver
73. do you like Heather Bierlair?
who the fuck is that?
74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
i don't give a shit
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Ultimate Raspberry Lemon Drop
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT
to play? volleyball. to watch? hockey.... although i get to see the Milwaukee Wave play for free seeing as James' brother-in-law is a player
85. what is your hair color?
86. EYE COLOR?
green, blue, brown, grey, amber
1 half brother who's a mooching asshole
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
halloween.... used to be my birthday however no one seems to rememeber that anymore so.... fuck it.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
no not really
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
in between... although you can always dress for winter
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
they both have their place
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Sellevision and memoirs of a geisha
100. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Surgery at West Allis Memorial Hospital
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.
you know it's a shitty ass day when your own boyfriend who lives with you can't even wish you a happy birthday....
i thought all the fireworks would have been a hint... apparently not.